Conversations

Framing feedback, trust, and meaningful dialogue in leadership, recruitment and stakeholder engagement during change activities

Context – The Situation | A Candidate Recruitment Conversation 

In today’s fast-paced professional environments, conversations—whether in stakeholder engagements, leadership meetings, candidate interviews, or change management discussions—can sometimes feel rushed, transactional, and lacking in depth.

Last year, I found myself on the receiving end of one such conversation following an interview process that didn’t go as planned.

I knew the where and when of this interview had pushed me outside my comfort zone. I was interstate, managing an unexpected family challenge, coupled with internet issues, all while trying to maintain composure and professionalism. Despite that, I stayed present and engaged, though I could feel the pressure more than usual.

It was a timely reminder that everyone has their own challenges—whether in a job interview, stakeholder engagement, or leading change. The lead interviewer might have been new to their role, possibly just a week in, navigating their own workplace learning curves. The two-person online interview panel were warm, engaging and gracious as we laughed, responding, “Well, you’ve answered 2-3 questions with that response.” 

STAR method? Out the window that day, I’m afraid.

Personal Reflection

The following week, I followed up with the external recruiter. He answered on the fly—I could hear it in the background noise and the slight change in breathing as he walked. His feedback was curt and to the point:

“You spoke too long on the first question.”

Delivered immediately after informing me I wasn’t moving forward, the words landed heavily. His tone may have simply reflected his own preferred communication style, rather than a personal judgment against me. But in that moment, it felt like it.

Seeking clarity and alignment—as we do in change management and leadership—I’d confirmed with the interviewers directly prior to wrapping up our time together:

“Were there any questions you had left unanswered?”

“No,” came the reply, with a kind overview of the process moving forward if next steps were to occur. For them, it had felt like a conversation.

At that moment, I was reminded of something I often tell my executive coaching clients:

“The skills that got you the job, if they do, won’t be the skills that keep you in the job.”

Sometimes, the right doors don’t open—because they’re not meant to.

I took two hours to process what had been said. I replayed the interview, dissected the conversation, and unpacked what went wrong. The abruptness of his delivery echoed in my mind, making it harder to separate the message from the sting.

But as I reflected, I realized something:

Feedback like this—though painful—can be one of the greatest gifts for growth AND context does matter. It won’t come as a surprise to some that I made my living as a Professional Speaker for more than a decade, presenting on platforms both in Australia and overseas. Big differences between the stage and the little screen on my Mac.

We keep learning and refining.

As Proverbs 4:7 says:
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.”

In leadership, stakeholder engagement, and change management, wisdom doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from humility, learning, and adapting when things don’t go as planned.

So, let’s review how you and we can frame feedback, trust, and meaningful dialogue in leadership, recruitment and stakeholder engagement

Character – Integrity, Intent, Capabilities, and Results | Personal Leadership Qualities

As Stephen M. R. Covey outlines in “The Speed of Trust”, trust is built on character and competence—specifically integrity, intent, capabilities, and results.

In that interview setting, these elements were at play on both sides. The recruiter likely intended to provide direct, constructive feedback but delivered it in a way that lacked warmth and understanding. My own intent was to bring my best self to the table, but external pressures fractured my focus.

Key Leadership Reflection:

• Integrity and Intent: Are we approaching conversations with the right heart?
• Capabilities and Results: Do our communication skills align with our intent to foster trust and connection?
• Show some grace to yourself and others.

Content – The Exchange of Information | Stakeholder Engagement

The core of any meaningful conversation is the content—the information shared and how it’s communicated.

In this case, the feedback was valuable but delivered without nuance or empathy. It was transactional, not transformational. Great leaders and recruiters know that how you say something is just as important as what you say.
Leadership Insight:

• Are we exchanging information, or are we connecting?
• Is our feedback designed to correct, or to empower and guide?

Cadence – Pacing, Pauses, and Provoking Stakeholder Engagement

Cadence—the pacing and flow of conversation—can either foster engagement or stifle it. In my interview, the lack of pauses, space, and two-way dialogue made the interaction feel rushed and transactional.

In leadership conversations – and speaking from the platform – pauses invite reflection.

Pacing allows for engagement.

Provoking (positively) encourages dialogue and curiosity.

Key Leadership Reflection:

• Are we allowing space for reflection and meaningful exchange?
• Are we pacing conversations to build trust and rapport?

Conflict – Redirecting Without Diminishing | The Tension in Conversations

Every conversation carries the potential for conflict—even subtle forms, like misunderstandings or unmet expectations. The recruiter’s direct feedback, though not ill-intentioned, felt abrupt and diminished the value of the interaction.

Great leaders and communicators know how to redirect a conversation without diminishing the value of the person. It’s about acknowledging the gap while preserving dignity.

Leadership Insight:

• Are we correcting behavior while still valuing the individual?
• Are we aware of how our words may impact someone’s confidence or perception?

Clarify – Bold and Humble Leadership

Simon Sinek said it best:

“Don’t show up to prove, show up to improve.”

That small shift in mindset can turn feedback moments from combative to collaborative, creating space for learning and connection.

You can catch the Simon Sinek video here

In leadership, clarifying is about courageously addressing misperceptions without slipping into defensiveness. Leaders who clarify do so with boldness and humility, understanding that correcting an impression isn’t self-justifying—it’s building trust.

In that interview, I missed the opportunity to keep my response to a succinct minute or two and clarify in the moment—perhaps to pause and say, “Would you like me to focus on key points, or expand on that further?” But the real takeaway was the importance of creating space in conversations where both sides feel empowered to clarify expectations.

But then again, contrary to Simon Sinek’s taking full ownership of the feedback, there could have been another reason.

At the end of the day, perhaps “He’s Just Not That Into You”

 

 

Reflecting on Simon Sinek’s video, where his date remarked “This,” waving her hands towards him, “this was all too much,” I realized sometimes it’s not about right or wrong—it’s about fit. In both dating and professional interactions, there are moments where, despite effort and preparation, it simply isn’t the right match. And that’s okay.

Key Leadership Reflection:

• Are we courageous enough to clarify misperceptions?
• Do we create environments where others feel safe to do the same?
• Change resilience and maturing, means letting go of rejection and reframing the narrative.

This is Your Call to Action – Lead Conversations That Build Trust

Whether you’re a recruiter, a leader, or a candidate navigating interviews, conversations are where trust is built or broken. It’s always personal before it’s professional.

Remember these simple, yet powerful steps:

• Context & Character: Lead with intent—know why you’re engaging and ensure your communication reflects that.
• Content & Cadence: Listen with empathy—you never know what someone else might be navigating.
• Clarify Conflict: Pause for clarity—make space for questioning, reflection, redirection and correction without diminishing value.
• Call to Action: Follow-up – Stay connected, re-engage with your stakeholder, customer – and candidate.

Whether you’re a recruiter, a candidate, a change manager, in a leadership position now, or seeking new roles in the future (internally or directly)—value both your offering and your personhood. Determine alignment to the organisational values and position yourself to learn and grow.

You never know what someone else is going through or what conversations are happening behind the scenes, outside of your control.

Lead conversations with integrity and intent, character and kindness.

Because trust—like leadership and managing all aspects of change and stakeholder engagement—is built one conversation at a time.

What’s your trust bias say about you?

Do you start with a positive baseline of trust and build it from there?

 

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